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I do not know when and how should I begin. There is something that happened unexpectedly that I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world.
So our story started as friends. He and his friend, nag-explore sila ng sections nung 2nd Semester of 1st Year, tapos isa yung 2101 (our section) sa nilipatan nila. I do not vividly remember kung anu ano yung mga subjects, nagsimula nalang sila na sumama sa circle namin, nakakasabay na naming kumain tuwing lunch, hanggang sa nasasanay na ako sa kanila, tipong hindi na kumpleto ang barkada kapag wala ang dalawa.
I have always seen Rhon as someone so kind ever since binulungan niya ako ng sagot sa looping quiz namin sa Computer Programming, and every time he teaches me during that subject, sobrang na-appreciate ko kaya he is one of the reasons kung paano ko na-build yung fundamental knowledge ko in terms of coding. Pero if we are talking about how close we are to each other, hindi gaano, simply because I never had the chance to talk to him more deeply personally, mag-uusap lang kami kapag magkakasama ang buong barkada.
But everything changed nitong 2nd year, mas naging talkative na ako, hindi na ako nangangapa sa kanila, lalo sa kanya. We became closer because of IG reels (thanks IG <3) But that one specific thing that happened which made me realize that there is something special that I am feeling towards him was during the first time he gave me a ride on his motorcycle. It was April 14. Pumunta kami ng wawa non para tingnan yung sunset and gabi na nakauwi, tapos sa mismong moment na 'yon na nakaangkas ako, nararamdaman ko yung weird feeling inside my heart, I kept on wishing to myself na sana matagal pa yung byahe, kasi I want more time with him alone. Kaso the promise I made to myself years ago about me not liking a guy is haunting me, and ang dumadagdag pa sa isipin ko, kaibigan ko siya so hindi ko pinansin yung nararamdaman ko, dineny ko nalang sa sarili ko.
The next significant thing that happened to me is the day before the BitCon Seminar, it was the time na na-delay yung isa kong gift kay Rhon so I wanted to buy him one more gift, I tried to search something nice na related sa kuromi week before and day before his birthday kaso sa VM lang ako naghanap kaya wala masyadong options, tapos habang nagtitingin-tingin ako possible gift, all I could think of is him. Sabi ko sa isip ko "Magugustuhan kaya ito ni Rhon?" and the day of his birthday, my heart was pounding so fast, hindi ko mabigay yung first gift ko sakanya, eh magkalayo yung upuan naming dalawa. I went to his place 3-4 times, tapos doon kami nag-lunch sa pwesto kung saan sila nakaupo. I was supposed to give him his gift before we eat, but pinangunahan ako ng kaba. Sobra akong nagtataka sa sarili ko kasi magbibigay lang naman ako ng regalo, bakit ako kinabahan? Tapos nung nag-ipon na ako ng lakas ng loob, binilisan ko yung pagbigay sa kanya ng gift tapos tatakbo ako papaalis, without him knowing na I want to take a picture with him, but again, I felt so shy and I was super nervous during those times.
Another one is that during the first day of our department's foundation day. Buong araw kaming magkasama, buong araw ko siyang nakita, and I feel like nasanay na ako sa kanya, hindi ko gusto na maaalis siya sa paningan ko. Kung nasaan siya, nandun ako o kung hindi ko man siya kasama, basta natatanaw ko. When I gave him my another gift na na-delay, his reaction was so genuine buti nalang na-videohan. He might not realize it to himself but he is so expressive and appreciative and that is one of those things I like about him.
Ang daming kailangang mangyari para mas ma-realize ko sa sarili ko na namumuo na yung nararamdaman ko sakanya. But ito yung pinakamahalaga sa lahat. Our CISCO final exam can be done by partners, he chose me to be his partner, at kahit hindi niya ako tanungin, siya rin yung unang tao sa isip ko na gusto ko maging kapareha. During the first days of us doing our CISCO, sa bahay nila 'yon. But before that, sobrang naramdaman ko yung kaba nung umangkas ulit ako sa motor niya, during those moment, hindi ko maitago yung ngiti ko sa saya. Pero pagkarating ko sa bahay nila, I was so nervous to the point na hindi ko makain nang ayos yung lunch ko, sobrang intense na intense na ako. Pero kumalma naman ako nung umupo na kami sa salas, everytime na sumasandal ako sa couch nila, I only can see his back, admiring him habang ginagawa niya yung topology. Doon ko na-confirm na gosh Lord, gusto ko si Rhon, bakit ganito yung nararamdaman ko? tama ba na maramdaman ko ito? kaso I cannot express it, para kaming naghuhulaan, hindi ko siya mabasa, hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip niya.
Maraming tao na yung nagsasabi at nakakaramdam sa kung anong meron sa'ming dalawa, pero kami mismo yung hindi nakakahalata, o natatakot lang na mag-aminan. But all those fears, lahat nawala nung nag-overnight. It was 1:30 a.m., sobrang lakas ng ulan. Nag-overnight ang barkada dito sa bahay namin, tapos kami nalang ni Carl yung natirang gising. Dun na ako naglakas loob na sabihin lahat ng nararamdaman ko kay Rhon, kasi alam kong Rhon is listening, I know he is still awake, kahit na nakahiga siya at parang natutulog, deep inside my heart, alam ko, kasi hindi nagkakamali yung instincts ko.
after an hour, around 2:30, doon nagsimulang tumunog nang tatlong beses yung timer ni Rhon na 1 hour for his 1 hour power nap, nagsimulang bumilis yung tibok ng puso ko. I never experienced something like that to happen in my life. Nag-confess ako sa kaibigan ko nang madaling araw habang naulan nang malakas, that is something so rare. Tumaas ako para sandaling magpakalma, habang natutulog yung dalawa kong kaibigan sa kama, I feel my heart again pounding so fast, sobrang lakas ng tibok na I am worried if naririnig na ba ni Yuan na katabi ko at baka magising siya. Ilang minuto din ako nakatitig sa kisame, thinking of the possible things na sasabihin ni Rhon.
will he reject me? sasabihin niya ba na hanggang kaibigan lang tingin niya sa'kin? ano kayang posibleng mangyari?
Hanggang sa nag-ipon na ako ng courage na harapin siya. He was holding that cinamoroll squishy tapos nilalaro-laro ito. Sobra akong lutang na hindi ko na alam kung anong pwede kong gawin, ayoko namang magkunwaring walang nangyari because hindi non masasagot lahat ng tanong na iniisip ko.
I finally sat down beside him, tapos sa loob ng tatlong minuto, tahimik lang kaming dalawa, tapos nagsimula na siyang magsalita, doon na ako kumalma, then we end up confessing to each other.
"Gusto rin kita Rhon"
That day was so special to me, it was May 13 when it all happened, sobrang genuine ni Rhon, to the point na I appreciate him for not running away, hindi na paligoy-ligoy and he is already thinking about future na tipong punong-puno na ng clarity na pinapakita na seryoso siya. He is not the type of guy na napre-pressure, and I am glad na after building my walls for 2 years, he is the first one who tried to break it, masaya ako na siya yung dahilan kung bakit ko gustong sumugal ulit, na akala ko hindi ko na kayang gawin.
After everything that happened, sobrang bago sa'kin lahat ng nararanasan ko ngayon. He is the first guy who has shown me what it’s like to be treated right. He’s so genuine in every aspect, he always makes me feel assured and secure. I know it might be too early to say this, but I can already imagine a future with him.
Kaya sana, dumating na yung right time na mapakilala ko siya kila mama at papa, because I am very sure of him. Wala nang kahit anong uncertainties, hindi na ako nagdududa, siguradong-sigurado na ako sakanya.
Kaya Mr. Rhon Russell Cadlawon, if you are reading this blog that is especially made for you, I want you to know that I feel so lucky to have you, and I thank God for letting me meet someone like you. <3
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