As you guys may not know, a year ago, I have posted a blog on the day of Valentines day. Kakabasa ko lang, tapos ang nararamdaman ko ngayon ay relief at magaan na compared to what I am feeling during the time I wrote this: Happy Hearts Day!.
Honestly, hindi ko na rin gaanong maalala yung memories ko with the guy that I've mentioned to that blog entry. Hindi ko na alam kung paano o bakit ko ba siya nagustuhan dati since marami na rin ang nangyari, marami nang dumagdag sa mga memories ko na naging dahilan para matabunan na yung mga past experiences ko from 1 year ago. Pero ofcourse, kahit na may mga nakalimutan ako, may isang lesson na talagang tatatak sa puso at isipan ko and that is... you have to always prioritize yourself at hindi masyadong magpaapekto sa mga naraaramdaman mo.
All of it happened during the time that I was 18 years old. Naalala ko pa non, "uy! 18 na ako, wala na akong limitations in terms of my feelings towards other people" but as we all know, we should not rush into doing things that we are not capable of doing yet. Masyado akong nagmadali dati, akala ko yung crush na naramdaman ko, pwede ko na i-improve into something genuine we call "love". But as I grow older, ngayon na I am turning 20, I realized na love should not be rushed. Isa itong napakabigat na feeling na dapat na pahalagahan. Kailangan na pinag-iisipan at hindi dapat fino-force.
Maybe, what I have felt during that time was really true. The love that I felt for him was genuine but right now na hindi ko mahanap yung tamang sagot kung bakit ko ba siya minahal, siguro matatawag ko nalang na pagmamahal out of care and kindness? Pero not to the point na I am willing to do and sacrifice everything out of love for him. Hindi pa naman ako nagre-reach sa point na ganon.
I am confidently saying na naka-move on na talaga si nissy. She is not crying anymore over that guy. She is living and enjoying her life now.
Pero... a little update sa'kin after I posted a blog about my latest crush that I call "Aphrodite", it feels like 80% na akong nakaka-get over sa kanya. Hindi na ako katulad nung dati na may paruparo sa tiyan kapag nakikita ko siya. Oo, aaminin ko, every time na makikita ko yung mga irregular people, agad na lumilibot yung panigin ko para lang makita siya. Pero hindi na ako kinakabahan kapag nag-uusap kaming dalawa. I remember nung Pathfit namin, simple interactions lang naman, nag-passing kami ng bola, hindi na ako masyadong naiilang kapag tinitingnan ko siya nang mata sa mata.
Anyway, to conclude this entry that is especially posted para sa araw ng mga puso, ang mga sasabihin kong ito ay para sa future nissy.
Hello Nissy, as I am writing this letter for you today, I just want let you know na no pressure! Hindi mo kailangan ng ibang tao to know your worth. You have your friends around you, your family, your loved one and they care so much about you. I don;t see myself right now having a lover or a special someone, kahit nga 10 years pa 'yan, parang masyadong imposible para sa'kin because never ko naman naranasan. But kahit na ganon, ang tanging hiling ko lang sa'yo, to be a successful person someday dahil babawi pa tayo sa sarili natin! So I am always wishing you the best, at sana lagi mong tatandaan yung mga aral na tinuro sa'yo ni Lord at ng universe in terms of loving someone :)
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