End Of Month, February 2025

Sobrang bilis para sa'kin ng month na ito. Bakit nga ba? 

Masyadong maraming binigay na gawain, halos sunod-sunod nung mga nakaraang linggo, kaya siguro hindi ko na namamalayan yung bawat oras at mga araw na lumilipas. Ngayong mga panahong sinusulat ko ito, tanging hiling ko lang, makapagpahinga nang payapa. 

My February started as a brokenhearted girlie (tinatawanan ko nalang ngayon) and I am confidently saying na tinatapos ko ang February ko na ito with a happy heart. Ano nga bang nangyari sa month na ito? Teka, isa-isahin ko.

As I've read thoroughly on my online journal, there is one thing that I am usually talking about and those are the people that became part of my every day. I won't mention any names here, code name nalang. 

First of all, I want to appreciate this guy friend of mine, whom I call someone na soft boy. I like how soft spoken he is, although alam ko naman na may mga kalokohan siyang ginagawa together with his two friends. But all in all, sobrang grateful ako to meet someone like him na matatawag ko talagang platonic friend that I care so much. 

Also to these two girls whom I can call "dog lovers girlies" Hindi ako makaisip nang kahit anong code name, kaya yun nalang kasi parehas silang may doggies. Ang gaan ng loob ko sa kanilang dalawa. 

Ano pa bang pwede ko i-kuwento? Ang naging realization ko sa month na ito ay I should be considerate more to the feelings of other people. Hindi ako sanay mag-sorry, hindi rin ako sanay na ilagay yung sarili ko sa isang complicated situation na kung saan ico-confront ko yung isang tao para lang malaman niya yung side ko. Siguro yun yung kailangan kong i-improve sa sarili ko, to be someone who can stand up on her own, and own up her mistakes. Hindi ako yung ma-pride na tao, pero once na magka-conflict, the initial reaction that I am having is silent treatment and avoiding that person.

I do not know why ganon yung actions ko, but the only thing that I am certain is, lumaki akong hindi nalalaman ng iba yung tunay na nararamdaman ko, I tend to keep things on my own, ayaw ko na magkaroon ng malaking away, gusto ko ire-resolve ko yung negative feelings ko on my own, hanggang sa maging magaan na ulit yung loob ko. 

Month of February also for me is something stressful. Hindi ko man nasasabi sa iba, maging sa mga taong malalapit sa'kin ngayon, pero sobra na akong burnout with what's currently happening in my life. Gusto ko nalang na mag-pause, pwede ba yung patitigilin ko muna for 10 minutes yung oras? Para makapag-isip-isip? Hindi na ako nagkakaroon ng urge to study hard, nawawalan na ako ng gana ipagpatuloy ito lahat, hindi ko na gusto yung mga ginagawa ko, I'm just accomplishing task para lang hindi ako matambakan but in reality, gusto ko nalang na hindi ito gawin lahat. Tinatamad na ako sa lahat.

For the concluding part, what I have learned for this month of February is that... I'm so blessed to have friends that are so nice. Minsan napapaisip ako, am I a good friend? Gusto kong mas mag-improve and become a better person and a better friend. Sumagi sa isip ko ang shs friends ko, kumusta na kaya sila? Hindi ko na alam kung paano sila i-approach, kailan kaya magkakaroon ng pagkakataon na mag-reconnect ulit kami? I hope they are doing fine. 

Happy Hearts Day! (Healed Version)

    

    As you guys may not know, a year ago, I have posted a blog on the day of Valentines day. Kakabasa ko lang, tapos ang nararamdaman ko ngayon ay relief at magaan na compared to what I am feeling during the time I wrote this: Happy Hearts Day!.

    Honestly, hindi ko na rin gaanong maalala yung memories ko with the guy that I've mentioned to that blog entry. Hindi ko na alam kung paano o bakit ko ba siya nagustuhan dati since marami na rin ang nangyari, marami nang dumagdag sa mga memories ko na naging dahilan para matabunan na yung mga past experiences ko from 1 year ago. Pero ofcourse, kahit na may mga nakalimutan ako, may isang lesson na talagang tatatak sa puso at isipan ko and that is... you have to always prioritize yourself at hindi masyadong magpaapekto sa mga naraaramdaman mo.

    All of it happened during the time that I was 18 years old. Naalala ko pa non, "uy! 18 na ako, wala na akong limitations in terms of my feelings towards other people" but as we all know, we should not rush into doing things that we are not capable of doing yet. Masyado akong nagmadali dati, akala ko yung crush na naramdaman ko, pwede ko na i-improve into something genuine we call "love". But as I grow older, ngayon na I am turning 20, I realized na love should not be rushed. Isa itong napakabigat na feeling na dapat na pahalagahan. Kailangan na pinag-iisipan at hindi dapat fino-force. 

    Maybe, what I have felt during that time was really true. The love that I felt for him was genuine but right now na hindi ko mahanap yung tamang sagot kung bakit ko ba siya minahal, siguro matatawag ko nalang na pagmamahal out of care and kindness? Pero not to the point na I am willing to do and sacrifice everything out of love for him. Hindi pa naman ako nagre-reach sa point na ganon.

    I am confidently saying na naka-move on na talaga si nissy. She is not crying anymore over that guy. She is living and enjoying her life now. 

    Pero... a little update sa'kin after I posted a blog about my latest crush that I call "Aphrodite", it feels like 80% na akong nakaka-get over sa kanya. Hindi na ako katulad nung dati na may paruparo sa tiyan kapag nakikita ko siya. Oo, aaminin ko, every time na makikita ko yung mga irregular people, agad na lumilibot yung panigin ko para lang makita siya. Pero hindi na ako kinakabahan kapag nag-uusap kaming dalawa. I remember nung Pathfit namin, simple interactions lang naman, nag-passing kami ng bola, hindi na ako masyadong naiilang kapag tinitingnan ko siya nang mata sa mata. 

    Anyway, to conclude this entry that is especially posted para sa araw ng mga puso, ang mga sasabihin kong ito ay para sa future nissy.

        Hello Nissy, as I am writing this letter for you today, I just want let you know na no pressure! Hindi mo kailangan ng ibang tao to know your worth. You have your friends around you, your family, your loved one and they care so much about you. I don;t see myself right now having a lover or a special someone, kahit nga 10 years pa 'yan, parang masyadong imposible para sa'kin because never ko naman naranasan. But kahit na ganon, ang tanging hiling ko lang sa'yo, to be a successful person someday dahil babawi pa tayo sa sarili natin! So I am always wishing you the best, at sana lagi mong tatandaan yung mga aral na tinuro sa'yo ni Lord at ng universe in terms of loving someone :)

A Video For Future Nissy

 

It's been a long time since I filmed myself talking about random stuffs, so for today's entry, here's me talking about things that is currently going on with my life ^_^